Fragile

Holding it all together with a shoestring,

How can my boat take even more of a bettering,

I’m drowing, keeping everyone else a float.

The waves of grief are just the start of the storm,

There is no calm in this all.

I keep kicking, tired legs, bleary eyed,

I keep kicking and when I see the children I smile,

Their chaos is the calm,

But I am the once was boat, now raft,

No mast, crows nest or hull,

Just this, flat on my back, taking breaths when I can,

Trying to remember the struggle is part of the plan,

Looking for God,

Please help me,

You have saved me so many times,

Mother Earth,

Still these seas so I can breathe

for

longer

moment.

Stillness comes and my mothers ghost

flashes

Never, ever

builds more pressure,

I feel so on my own,

But I can’t find solitude or space

and it doesn;t help,

the feelings weigh me down

and I am scared of never

like never get back up,

like ever be on top

or even in the middle

Does life have to be such a struggle?

I find myself wanting to disappear

but it is not an option

No one is coming to save me