F’ it! – Fathers Day with a Family of Four!

Ok, it’s a hall mark holiday, some kinda cash raid on mothers, because the kids aren’t paying are they?

But when you have grieved baby loss for eight years, that’s eight mothers and fathers days where we have to work through our hybrid status. Childless yes, but not, not parents. Rupert lived for nearly ten minutes outside of me and five and half months inside.

His breaths were a startling miracle, I expected him to not be alive. His tiny movements, were epic. I cradled him in awe as the nurse checked his breathing and confirmed he was alive, as she went to get a doctor, who came, nodded and pressed the stethoscope to his tiny maroon chest and said ‘it’s slowing down now’.

What a privilege to cradle someone through their first and last breaths! I didn’t cry then but I cannot think of those moments without a flutter of tears swelling at my eyelashes.

So Father’s Day and Mother’s Day hit different now our family is complete. Bullshit holidays to many and that’s fine, but to me, it’s an opportunity to be grateful for our chaos, our joy and each other. We celebrated with a cycle and a roast dinner. Dicky really is a brilliant Dad. I’m so glad we stayed together and kept trying. It could have easily fallen apart.